Have you ever woken up feeling anxious? Like, you wake up and there's a buzz in your chest. You're not really sure why. It's sunny outside. You think you had a good sleep, but there's something there, a vibration, a discomfort, a feeling, but you can't quite name it Hi, I'm Michelly Matthias, and welcome to Noticing the Ordinary. This podcast is all about solo musings and honest conversations where we share about the things we so often miss. There's no homework, there's no encouragement to add to your hustle, just good company sharing something worth noticing. Sometimes those things will make us laugh, sometimes those things will make us get more curious, and sometimes those things might make us really pause and even shed a few tears All right, let's go. So this morning, that's what happened to me, and it's what's been happening to me over the last few years, and I suspect that's what is called anxiety. recently started to notice that when I wake up I feel anxious It's a really strange feeling. I never used to have that before But it's unfortunately really common for me lately. I'll wake up, I'll be like, "Oh, am I awake? Am I dreaming?" And then I can feel it. I can feel it in my chest. I can feel it as I'm sharing it with you. It's this buzz internally that something just feels wrong. Something's not right. I'm not sure really what it is, but it's a feeling I never really thought of myself as an anxious person But it's there, this buzzing, this discomfort, this tightness in my chest One of the things I've learned to do is to be with it, to notice it. Notice that I really don't like that feeling, like, at all because I don't know where it came from sometimes. I mean, I think where it's coming from is a culmination of everything in life, you know, just sitting there on my chest in the morning because it also had an opportunity to rest, and so it's waking up with me Now, I wanna be clear. This podcast, it's me doing unscripted pretty much voice notes and sharing it with you all. There is no medical advice here, and if you're feeling anything like this, I recommend that you speak to a professional. All right Now I'm gonna share one of the things I do when this happens to me in the morning. So this morning when it happened, because it's really hot outside, and it was already hot at 6:30 when I woke up, the fan was on. And this is something I've been doing more recently, just in general. I wake up slowly. I'm a slow morning person, okay? I like to take my time waking up. And I put my hand on my chest, and I just stayed with it. I stayed with that feeling, that weird, static, vibrating, I-don't-know-what. Now, I'm a person who loves to be in my feels. Okay, maybe I should say I don't love to be in my feels, but I'm in my feels a lot. Crying is not difficult for me. I cry a lot, and I know it can be difficult for other people, and so I wanna honor that. Often I've been asked, "Wow, how do you cry so easily? I wish I could do that." And I don't know. I just do. I am a Pisces, and, um, I don't know. I'm not, like, deep, deep in astrology, but I really am a Pisces. I'm all about the feels. Anyway, this morning I didn't necessarily feel like crying, and I still haven't cried yet. But what I did was I just took a minute to be in my bed. I reached for my phone. Yes, I did, 'cause that's how I wanted to see what time it was, so I knew it was 6:30. I threw it, kind of just, like, chucked it on the other side of the bed because I didn't wanna look at it. I just wanted to know the time. Put my hands on my chest and started to deep breathe. And I really brought my attention instead of to the buzzing feeling in my body, because I knew it was there, to the feeling of the fan moving the air around the room and what that felt like on my skin, and I really brought focus there. It was actually quite a beautiful feeling. And I don't know if I've ever shared this before with many people, and hey, this is only, what? Second episode. But I was trained in embodiment coaching, and going through that process and learning more about my body and how to connect with my body. I wouldn't say this is a particular practice I learned in that training, which by the way, was a year-long training program, and it was pretty intense. We had to go really deep. But it is something that I think I found my own way to be in my body because all of our bodies are so unique, and embodiment is gonna be different for everyone, you know? So this practice of just laying there and feeling the air as it moved because of the ceiling fan that I had, it was actually quite amazing. So I stayed there longer and longer. I think... I don't know. I didn't look at the time and how much time had passed by But it might have been about, I don't know, let's call it eight minutes. I have no idea. I wasn't really timing it. But one of the things that I was noticing in that time was I could feel a smile coming on my face. I could feel my shoulders soften, even though I was laying down, and I could still feel the vibration, that anxious feeling inside, and it was really interesting. It was like all of these feelings were, waking up for the day I think so often we don't wanna feel these things. We want them to go away or it frustrates us and we're like, "Why again did you show up today?" Maybe you can relate to that And I don't know if it's because I've done copious amounts of therapy and I know therapists also talk a lot about, "Notice the feeling for you that comes up." So maybe, maybe this is a dedication to the therapists that have supported me throughout the time. But it's true. One of the things I really do try and do in those moments is just notice what I'm feeling in my body. And it was really cool this morning when I was doing that because I went from feeling frustrated, like, "Oh gosh, I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna have this feeling again," to just being with it. And I'm not saying this will work for everyone or every time, of course, but today it was really special, and so I thought I'd come on the mic and share it with you Right after that, I didn't reach for my phone. I came downstairs and I watered my garden, and I spent half an hour doing that And as I was watering my garden, I could still feel it. I could still feel that buzz And I also had these really special moments this morning because so many things are, like, popping in the garden. It's so great. Like, oh my gosh, I started gardening a couple years ago just trying it out. Um, this year I'm taking it way more seriously, and I'll share more about that in another episode. But this morning, my poppies, they were popping. It was amazing. It was so cool to see. So, you know, I guess what I'm trying to s- share this morning is that sometimes these feelings are always with us, and as our counselors often remind us, our therapists What would it be like to notice it, to acknowledge that it's there? Anyway, that's something that I've started doing for myself. And if you start doing that too, I'd love to hear more about your practice when you, feel that buzzing i've heard that some people will hum or they'll sing or they'll do some form of stimming. Rocking, massaging their own hands, anything when that kind of buzzy feeling comes up. Anyway, if you have something that you do, I'd love to hear about it It's not always fun to notice those things in our body. It's not always fun to be with it, to be like, "Oh, hey there, anxiety. Good morning. How are you doing?" Um, and I guess one of the things I've realized on my own mental health journey... Is it a journey? I don't know. Sometimes it feels like whiplash. Some of the things that I've realized over time, and again, lots of support and therapy, is that pushing things away doesn't really work because it's always there. And then noticing and, and being with it, staying with it, you're like, "Oh my gosh, it's always there." However, what I have noticed is that the more that I give space and honor what's happening in my body It seems to dissipate faster, allowing me to go into my garden and smile at the plants Seeing the flowers that are blooming And then coming down to sit at my computer to record a podcast episode here with you today. So this one's gonna be short and sweet. And if you're someone that also experiences anxiety and feels that buzz I just wanna send you a big hug. I know it sucks. I know it sucks that it's always there And maybe next time that comes up for you, see if there's a fan around that you could sit by and notice the feeling of the air as it moves across your skin, and let me know if anything shifts. And if not, that's okay too. And if you're like, "This is so dumb, I never wanna try that. Why would I do that? I don't even have a fan,". don't do it. Don't worry. Just here to share this morning a little bit of noticing that not just happened this morning, but it's been happening a lot for me thanks for being here. That's a quick little morning note on, whew, noticing anxiety and how the fan helped me move through that, and the air I'm Michele Mateus, and this was Noticing the Ordinary. Thanks so much for being here. Until next time