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Have you ever put yourself on the calendar, made a date with yourself? You're like, "I am going to take this time for myself. I'm gonna go do something by myself." Yeah, that was me today. Yet, so many things kept coming in my way, and it was getting frustrating 'cause I just wanted to go and do the thing that I put on the calendar for myself. Hi, I'm Michele Mateus, and welcome to Noticing the Ordinary. This podcast is all about solo musings and honest conversations where we share about the things we so often miss in life. There's no homework, and there's no adding to your to-do list. Honestly, I'm just here to share some good company and something worth noticing. But a note before we dive in. I share openly and honestly here, and I'm not a therapist or a doctor. So if you're moving through something that you need some support with, I encourage you to reach out for professional help. And if you don't know where to turn to, I got you. I've listed some resources on my podcast homepage, so you can go check those out. All right. Now let's get down to noticing something. Finally, I found myself standing in Pilates class, my very first one. I was trying to look like I knew what I was doing, and the class was packed. I looked down and I saw something on my foot. Smoothie. I honestly thought it was a bruise at first, which I felt a bit concerned about until I reached down to feel it. Yep, there on my foot, a chunk of smoothie I have no idea how it got there, and it felt both frustrating and a little special because this morning my son made those smoothies for us for breakfast And here's another very typical me funny piece about this story I wasn't even supposed to be in that class. Oh my gosh. I'm a member of my local Y, and I had to put myself on the wait list. So I completely forgot that I was on the wait list, and I show up, the class is packed, and the person at the door was like, "I don't see your name." And I'm like, "What do you mean you don't see my name? I'm on the list." I was really looking forward to this class. And also because it's so hard for me to leave the house for many reasons, this morning had all kinds of things that were calling my attention. And I finally made it. I'm finally there at the door, and they're like, "You're not on the list." are you sure?" Anyway, there's another woman standing at the door who was like, "Oh, don't worry. There's always a wait list for this class. This is an amazing instructor. People often no-show, we'll get in." So he now says, a couple minutes later, "I'm sorry. It turns out that there aren't any no-shows and everyone showed up. But if you can find a spot, I'm happy to let you in." And the lady that was standing beside me was like, "You can come and put your mat by mine. I'm sure there's space." So it was really cute. She jiggled over her mat just a little bit, and another woman saw her doing that for me and moved hers over a little bit and created space for me. I won't lie, it was super intimidating. I don't know if you've ever been in that experience where it is so full, it's your first time doing something, you're very aware of yourself. And you happen to have a smoothie all over your foot. So I'm already frazzled, and I'm reminding myself I'm allowed to be here. I made a commitment to myself to be here So trying new things out for me and my body can be really scary. I have multiple sclerosis, and my body has been shifting a lot as I age. And I won't lie, also the amount of stress that I am under is impacting my body. Like many chronic illnesses, they're more aggravated if we're under a lot of stress. It's why I'm also trying to get to these kinds of classes I also like taking dance classes and with having a Y membership, I try at least once a month to get myself to a group fitness class and try something new because I do really enjoy moving my body. And I've become very aware with how compassionate I need to be in doing so The class starts and I quickly realize that my body has other plans. The things that looked simple did not feel simple in the least, and I kept finding myself doing these mental gymnastics "Ugh, I just wish I could lift my leg that way. I just wish. I felt like I was trying to negotiate with my body, like, "Come on, you can do it. Just try a little bit more. Remember we used to be so flexible. If we just try, we might get there again." The instructor had an amazing presence despite the class being incredibly full. Her voice was so soothing. I'm really grateful. I actually should write a review. I don't know if maybe they have a compliment box at the Y that I can share about this instructor. It was really lovely. I'm there, I'm trying to breathe through it all. I'm trying to actually practice self-compassion the way I'm often talking about it. You know the whole practice what you preach kind of stuff? Yeah, that was me this morning, trying. I think this happens to many of us, where we've set an intention and it doesn't quite go the way we thought. Noticing the smoothie on my foot reminded me it didn't really matter what got in my way that day. It mattered that I was there. And I know that sounds cliche, and that we, wah, okay, tell me something I didn't know. It matters that we showed up for ourselves. But the, the truth of that is that's actually super hard to do if you're a person who is living with disabilities, if you're caring for elderly parents, if you're a parent, even harder if you're a parent with children with disabilities, and on we go. If you're a single parent. It is so hard to actually do something for ourselves. The Pilates class continued on and I kept trying. I really love how the instructor gave a lot of modifications and adaptations. It made me feel really safe to just go at my own pace, but sometimes, there's a thing that we do, that even though we practice self-compassion, we still push ourselves, because we have been so trained to push ourselves. Success isn't going to happen unless we push ourselves. Try harder. I actively am trying to get rid of that messaging, that programming inside of me, but I find that I do often say it to myself, and I hate it because I know it's not true. I know it's not important to do that, to push ourselves to the point that it's not comfortable, and honestly, often it's not safe. As I was laying there on the mat, I did feel a moment where my whole body clenched up, my heart felt tight, and I just wanted to cry. I took a deep breath A long exhale as she recommended, trying to breathe in and out for five counts each. And I thought, "Damn it, I'm here, smoothie foot and all." And even though some of the modifications that she offered were still too hard for me, I'm just gonna do it my own way, which is what I did. In my world it can feel impossible to get myself on the calendar, and then following through with what I put on the calendar, let's just say I find myself canceling things a lot for all different kinds of reasons. Sometimes because I'm needed and more often because I honestly don't have the capacity. I am really exhausted a lot of the time. I followed through with something that I committed to doing for myself. And I walked out of that class a little sore, incredibly humbled, Still laughing to myself about the whole weightless situation, which was also a little embarrassing, I won't lie. And thinking about how I needed to get home and wash the smoothie off my foot, which honestly I'm so grateful for having noticed that today. Because looking down at my feet and noticing that one had a big splash of smoothie on it, While it made me feel a way in the moment when I first noticed it, it also made me feel like I finally did the thing I wanted to do for myself. So the next time you're rushing around trying to do something good for yourself, and then you look down and you find something ridiculous stuck to you or coffee splatters on your shirt, maybe your shirt's even inside out, let it be a reminder instead of an embarrassment that you showed up, and that's the whole thing All right, friends, that's all for today, and I truly hope that something ordinary, maybe even something a little smoothie covered crosses your path soon.